Trust is an Outcome

Trust is an outcome, not an input.

You don't start a relationship with trust. You develop it. Trust is what's left after someone makes a commitment, does the work, and follows through enough times that you stop wondering whether they will. It's earned in the doing, not handed over at the handshake.

The people who've earned my trust rarely ask for it. They show up, they do what they said they'd do, and the trust takes care of itself.  In fact, over the last four and a half decades, I’ve most often been misled, deceived, or mistreated by individuals who use “trust me” language to get what they want. In my experience, using that language is a big red flag.

Trust is maintained through reciprocity, reliability, and commitment. Trust isn't a one-time deposit. It develops because both sides keep showing up, through the easy stretches and the hard ones, over a long enough time horizon that reliability becomes the expectation rather than the pleasant surprise. Trust allows us to give people the space and the grace they need to learn, grow, make mistakes and bounce back.  Trust makes disagreement and debate an opportunity to succeed. It’s a key factor in leadership, management, and parenting.

Trust can be lost quickly or through slow erosion.  Broken commitments, dishonesty, selfishness, and manipulation damage trust. What took years to earn can come apart in a moment.

The clearest example of trust in my life is my marriage. My wife and I support each other. We're honest with each other. We share the same values and the same goals. Life isn't always easy, but we can each count on the other to be there when things are hard. We built it, and we keep building it. 

Business runs on the same principle. Trust shouldn't be given easily. It should be earned.  Iris Co. is at its foundation a referral business. The trust between us and the advisors who send us their clients wasn't built in a day. It was built over years, one delivered commitment at a time. We don't expect trust up front. We earn it, engagement by engagement, and we protect it once it's ours.

Trust isn't something you ask for. It's something you produce. Do the work long enough and well enough, and eventually nobody has to say the word out loud.

I’ve been fortunate to be surrounded by people I trust.  I wish you all the opportunity to earn and give trust in your business and personal lives. 

-Jake

*Jacob Nesvig is the founder of Iris Co.  The opinions expressed here are the author's own and are not legal, tax, or accounting advice.